... in which Lyscey breaks in the kitchen.

That would be “breaks-in” by the way, which did not involve any actual breaking! Go me!
Small disclaimer: My kitchen looks this way as a result of un-use and neglect, not through any actual effort. With my mom coming and going, and myself coming and going in the last few weeks, plus almost total lack of cooking I do for myself, the kitchen has stayed clean pretty much since Alex left. No one likes cooking alone, or for just one person, so I’ve been eating mostly chicken nuggets and Ramen… I’ve reverted to my college state, as it were. I wouldn't want you to think I was actually that neat about anything.
However, it’s in that spirit that I bring you this blog post, about the first time I’ve used both my kitchen in weeks, and the totally sweet KitchenAid stand mixer that recently arrived at my house. The mixer is a wedding gift that got a little misplaced for awhile, from my lovely father-in-law. When it came I vowed to unpack it and do something really cool with it when the opportunity came and so I have. I have made, for your stalking pleasure, a seriously awesome cake.
For starters: my new mixer!!!


I took the recipe from Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything. I picked out some little tweeks to the recipe and ended up with “Chocolate-cinnamon cake and mocha buttercream”.
Sounds like a latte, right? I’m hoping it tastes like one.

Mmm... Melted chocolate. Like my make-shift double boiler?



And the final product (insert dramatic drum roll in your heads please):


YAY!!!
It was surprisingly easy with the mixer. I did very little work, really. But I will take as much credit as you'll give me. I haven't tasted it yet, as it's for a little dinner party I'm going to tonight, but I did taste the batter (shh... Don't tell my husband, he thinks it's gross when I do that) and it tasted pretty good. I'll come back and tell you how it turned out in the comments when I get home. I'll also post the recipe in the comments if anyone wants it.
For now, I'm off. Please wish me luck and for me to be less of a spaz in front of these people. Also that my cooking skills, vague though they have always been, haven't atrophied in Alex's absence to the point I can't cook anything anymore. Speaking of which:
Alex, if you're reading this, thank you for the encouragement, and don't worry: If it turns out to be really good, I'll make you your very own when you get home. What do you say, instead of Christmas dinner, Christmas cake? I love you, sweetness. So much.

Thanks for dropping by!

... in which our heroine experiences joy, comes to better understand longing, and is fulfilled.

Pretty epic title, no? I’m feeling extra eloquent today, so I’m going for it. Work with me here.
I am writing to you from half-past midnight in Connecticut. It is warm and there is just enough fog to turn all light sources into big shifting stars. It is the first time in about 3 weeks I have been alone. (There was a three day period in there, but I don’t count it as it was devoted entirely to sleep and packing.)

I shall start where most things start: the beginning. In this case that would be my short but sweet trip to Arizona where I did very little but brought back my very excited mother. She denies having empty nest syndrome, but she does call and say she misses me an awful lot for someone who supposedly doesn’t miss me.
My mother has a love of tourism that I seem to have inherited. If they make a brochure about it we want to go see it. And we’re probably willing to devote a whole day to it. So when mom traveled all the way across the country to a state she had never been to in order to see what my life is like, it involved lots of gift shops.
We went to the Submarine Force/Nautilus Museum on the first day. I had been before and found it only mildly interesting, but she seemed to really want to go. We went to the WWII memorial on the way to the sub base just to have a few pictures of it. Here’s one now:


It’s the sail of a diesel engine submarine used in WWII. Surrounding it are small plaques with the names and designations of the 41 American submarines sunk since their incorporation into the Navy. Down the road is a museum based around the first nuclear powered submarine, a fast-attack sub called Nautilus. They have it in permanent dock here in Groton and have converted it into a walk-through museum exhibit. Mom wanted to take the tour but wasn’t too sure she’d love the cramped space. It turned out fine and I think we both came back up from the boat feeling a little closer to Alex.
Shortly after that we come to the REAL touristy stuff. The things we found in local magazines with names like “Mystic Country”. We went to Mystic Seaport Museum, which I thought would be hokey and I would have to hate every second of it, but turned out to be very cool. Fourteen acres of American sailing history from whaling ships to modern yachts and everything a nineteenth century sailing village would need. Including a building with nautical navigation instruments and clockwork time pieces I can’t wait to take my husband to. Here’s my mom, looking excited at the front gate:


In the same day we went to the aquarium, also in Mystic. It was slightly less impressive, except for the part where we watched them feed and play with the beluga whales. That was awesome.

Then there was a little down time before I was off to Cedar City to see friends and avoid my alma mater at all costs. It was a huge success. Seirra’s wedding was beautiful. I should know, I had the privilege of photographing it. This is the album I made on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2068670&id=1024373304&l=d1130869e2


If you are fortunate enough to know Seirra you should ask her to see the collection I gave her with about 200 more photos in it. Once I get on a roll it’s hard to stop… Also: everything was beautiful and I couldn’t help love it all.

Speaking of love, it’s time to get around to what I meant by the last two bits in my title. I found myself struck with pangs of jealousy and sadness at Seirra’s wedding and pretty much all of the fun times surrounding the blessed event. Traveling all the way back to Cedar felt a lot like traveling back in time, only not because everything was so different. People have lost loves, jobs, homes, and then found new ones. Life had moved on without me there. Not that I think I’m the center of the universe (Shh… I totally do) but it felt odd to see the people I love had evolved both with and without me. In that spirit, I’d like to share with you a little something I wrote to my husband tonight after stumbling into our apartment, but not before petting the cat:
“I suppose you really can’t ever go home again. Not that I ever considered Cedar the same kind of home we have here…when you’re here. At first I thought I was sad or even bitter at being there alone. I allowed myself to feel empty for a little while, until I realized that’s not what I was feeling. I missed the way things were but I’m happy for all my friends and the great things they're doing. What I feel now is just a little indentation on my heart where my old life used to be. I think it will need to be re-stamped periodically.
My heart is heavy as I’m writing this to you, but only because it’s full. So, from the bottom of my open, raw, and tired heart: I love you. I love you more every day. I long for companionship, and intimacy, and connection. But I am fulfilled, and I think you know why:
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
All my love,
Alison”

Special thanks to Ericka who housed me, Kymmy who fed me, Marty who made me laugh, and Chani who just “got it”. I heart you.
/crash

Everything Wedding

That. Was. NUTS! Also wonderful.
Everything came out so beautiful and it felt so amazing! Thank you so much to everyone who came and for all the lovely gifts that were sent.
"Gifts?!" you may ask. Why yes, we got lots of them. Everyone was so generous and we hardly know what to do with everything! All the money is being saved and will be used toward a great honeymoon, likely to take place in February. We have no idea where we'll be going yet... but it will be great to get away. As for all the presents, we're so excited trying to figure out where they should all be displayed! For those of you who missed it, here's a run down of our fabulous gifts:

We got so much awesome stuff I'm not sure where to begin. I think I'll start with a very cool toy, the LEGO Man Lantern:

Isn't he awesome! Alex's aunt Chris and uncle Rich got him for us (they also slipped another nice present in the box behind him ^^). I'm not sure what to do with him yet, but he's just so cool we'll definitely find a place to display him.

This is a really special gift from Alex's grandmother Norma and Jim. It's a commemorative coin made for the Falkland Islands. It was struck to commemorate the marriage of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, in 1986, the year we were both born. It's a very unique keepsake we're very in love with:


We got a very fun gift from Alex's aunt Terry. I'm not sure where she got the idea for this but we can't wait to break it out and give it a shot:


We LOVE to cook together, and one of the things we asked for is recipes to try. So we're super excited about these two presents! The large green book in from my lovely friend Brittany, and it contains some amazing recipes created by her fiance Marcel. The wooden box is full of custom designed recipe cards from Alex's wonderful sister Katherine. We can't wait to finish filling it!


So many of our other family members sent generous gifts and lovely wedding wishes, so thank you all too!

Speaking of those who didn't get to be there, we missed you! As you probably know, Alex and I wrote our own vows. It was very important to me to do that so we could share our deepest feelings, not just with each other, but with all our assembled family and friends. Just in case you didn't make it to our ceremony here are the vows we wrote and shared on our big day:
Dearest Alison,
My friend, My confidant, my love. Words cannot express how deeply I care for you or how much I value you. More than anything else I want to be with you. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together, to share our happiness and our sorrows. To make everything you have mine, and everything that I have yours. My love for you grows with each passing day. Let us join ourselves together forever and never part. Let us love and cherish one another. Let us build a life together, facing whatever the future may hold with honesty and dedication and love. I will remain faithful to you and care for you and protect you with everything that I have and all that I am.
Alison, Please be my wife.

Alex,
There is no doubt in my mind that we are here to love each other. I believe it with a conviction so strong sometimes I think it’s what keeps my heart beating. I believe that talking on the way is better than reaching the destination. I believe that sharing a little is better than having a lot, and sharing everything you have is the best you can achieve as a person. I believe in honesty, fidelity, honor, compromise, and trust. But mostly, I believe in love. And I believe that love moves mountains. We have an amazing, rare, and beautiful thing that has changed our lives, and even ourselves, in wonderful ways. We are strong in love, and as long as we are united I believe that we will move mountains too. I love you Alex, more than I can express and almost more than I can contain. I am so joyful to stand next to you today, and all the days of our lives.

... I still cry when I read that. Anyway, on to even happier things! Last but not least, my favorite part: the pictures!


It's a beautiful thing to be married to your best friend.